WHEN DID YOU STOP BEING YOU?
It’s a strange question.
Because you never actually disappeared.
You just slowly moved yourself farther and farther down the list.
Someone needed you.
Then somebody else did.
There were children to raise.
Relationships to maintain.
Bills to pay.
Parents to worry about.
Jobs.
Appointments.
Emergencies.
Responsibilities.
Eventually your identity became a collection of things you do for other people.
Mom. Wife. Girlfriend. Employee. Caregiver. Fixer.
But who are you when nobody needs anything from you?
YOU ARE MORE THAN WHAT YOU PROVIDE
Women are often praised for how much they can carry.
She’s strong.
She’s independent.
She handles everything.
Sounds great.
Until everybody becomes so accustomed to you handling everything that nobody asks whether you should have to.
And eventually you may start believing your value comes from being useful.
It doesn’t.
You have value when you’re helping everyone, and you have value when you’re doing absolutely nothing for anyone.
FINDING YOURSELF AGAIN DOESN’T REQUIRE BLOWING UP YOUR LIFE
Start small.
What music did you love?
What made you laugh?
What did you enjoy before your calendar belonged to everybody else?
What clothes made you feel like yourself?
Who did you enjoy spending time with?
What did you want to learn?
What did you dream about doing?
Try something simply because you want to.
No productivity required.
No benefit to anybody else required.
LEARN TO SAY NO WITHOUT WRITING A FUCKING ESSAY
“No.”
It’s a complete sentence.
You don’t always need:
I’m really sorry, but I’ve had a lot happening and I hope you understand and maybe another time…
Sometimes:
“I can’t do that today.”
is enough.
Boundaries aren’t punishment.
They’re instructions for how people are allowed to interact with you.
YOU’RE STILL IN THERE.
Maybe you’ve changed.
Good.
You’re supposed to.
The goal isn’t necessarily becoming the woman you used to be.
Maybe it’s meeting the woman you’ve become.
Give her some room.
Ask what she needs.
You might be surprised how long she’s been waiting for somebody to ask.
Bitch Nation Mental Health Hub provides educational and peer-support content and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental-health care.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides 24/7 confidential crisis support by call or text at 988; life-threatening emergencies should go to 911/emergency care